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Today in Hyperbole: "Cultural Icon" Rachel joins Bill Maher, Bart Simpson

At a recent conference, Vision America's Rick Scarborough went on a rant about America's cultural decline. The fun part?

At a recent conference, Vision America's Rick Scarborough went on a rant about America's cultural decline. The fun part? One of the architects of that decline is a certain cable news host. To wit (with our annotations):

Scarborough: We've gone from Andy Griffith to Bart Simpson in my lifetime 1; we've gone from Leave it to Beaver to Beavis and Behind Head,2 from My Three Sons to Two and a Half Men,3 from the Brady Bunch to the Big Bang Theory,4 we've gone from the Partridge Family to Desperate Housewives,5 from Happy Days to Jerry Springer,6 and look at comedians, there used to be comedians like Bob Hope who epitomized class and loved his country, now we have Larry the Cable Guy being gross and crass,7 and Christians laugh, what used to amaze us now simply amuses us.8 We've gone from commentaries from such cultural icons as Eric Sevareid to Bill Maher and Rachel Maddow.9 Look at our movies; we've gone from True Grit to Brokeback Mountain,10 from musicals like the Sound of Music to Oklahoma, from showgirls to slasher porn.11 Our schools were once the envy of the world, now we have dropout rates exceeding fifty percent in some of our major cities, graduating seniors can't even read the diploma they're receiving.12 Prayer and bible study are out, metal directors and drug-sniffing dogs are in,13 the Ten Commandments are out, murder and mayhem are in,14 the theory of evolution is taught as fact while the fact of God is taught as theory,15 sex-education has become nothing more than the facilitation of fornication, complete with home study with the teachers, in many cases.16

1 And they say there's no progress… 2 See above. Though to be fair, I'm not familiar with Beavis and Behind Head's work. 3 He's got a point on that one…. 4 The psycho-sexual torments of Jan Brady are far more revolutionary than Big Bang Theory could ever be. Jan's lament haunts a generation: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia… 5 You think Shirley Partridge wasn't a desperate housewife? You need to watch that show again…. 6 I can easily see The Fonz as a guest on Springer: "Biker Greaser Seeks "Cool" Soulmate? Correctamundo!….next!" 7 Maybe Larry the Cable Guy is gross and crass because… America is gross and crass. And since when did "git'er done" erode American values? FREE LARRY! 8 Completely true: what used to amaze us now simply amuses us. That accounts for the passing enthusiasm for say, avocado kitchen appliances. Or Herman Cain. 9 It was always a dream of Rachel's to become a persistent irritant to people like Rick Scarborough. And now, to be mentioned alongside Bill Maher? Well, that's extra special…Thank you SO much… 10  Gay subtext? Fine. Gay text? Inconceivable!!! Nice chaps you got there, cowboy…. 11 Cheer up buddy, the musical theater kids on Glee are doing WAY better than any slasher porn. The hills are alive… 12 So let's keep defunding those public schools and underpaying our teachers. That should turn things around. 13 It's like you can't find Christianity anywhere in this country… BTW: Hate the game, not the drug sniffing dogs…14 You want murder and mayhem? Try the Old Testament. Most. Violent . Book. Ever.15 How can this be? If only we had a 3,000 year old T-Rex to clear this up for us…16 Clearly sex education is a topic teenagers need to know far less about than they do now. That said, "Facilitation of fornication…" nicely played! Rick Scarborough—Granta awaits your manuscript!!