Let me finish tonight with the theory of the mysterious Barack Obama. Not the American success story who went to a first-rate prep school, Columbia, Harvard Law and made head of law review, got elected to the U.S. senate and then to the presidency. No, not that story, though it's a pretty good story of the American dream. No, let me tell you the Donald Trump script. Here's what he said in February - two months ago - to that big big conservative convention he spoke at - where he started this tour: "Our current president came out of nowhere. Out of nowhere. In fact, I'll go a step further. The people who went to school with him. They never saw him. They don't know who he is. It's crazy."
So what's Donald saying here? Is he suggesting that Barack Obama didn't actually go to those schools? That he never existed in the worlds he said he did? That there wasn't a "Barack Obama," that those school records were all made up? Not just the birth certificate but the school records.
Now we're cookin'!!! This fellow we elected president not only wasn't born where he said he was. He didn't go to the schools he said he did. Or what? This is wild. Tell us more, Donald. Okay, here is with our old colleague Ashleigh Banfield up that airplane of his: "The reason I have a little doubt, and just a little, is because he grew up and nobody knew him. Nobody comes forward, nobody knows who he is until later in his life. It's very strange."
You're not kiddin' Donald. God, "The people who went to school with him never saw him? They don't know who he is? Nobody comes forward, nobody knows who he is." Now you tell us, his birth certificate is missing. It's not there. It doesn't exist. So what do we do. No birth certificate. No school records. Nobody ever saw him. There's no reason to believe there even "is" a guy named Barack Obama.
So who is the guy sitting in the White House? Is he a secret agent, some creation of enemy forces, some alien come here, planted here in our midst to bring us down?
Donald, Donald, I'm scared.
I'm scared, Donald. Tell me more, Donald. This is really exciting! It's so much better than that "other" story they tell. You know - the "real" one.