CDC releases plan for zombie attack

Updated
By Ronnie Polidoro
CDC releases plan for zombie attack
CDC releases plan for zombie attack

Well, well, well, move over Max Brooks. This week, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention published a preparation plan for the most wretched judgment day our future may hold. Zombie apocalypse.    

We’ve all seen it in the movies but could it possibly happen? The CDC may think so. A blog post on CDC’s website reads, “There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for. Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.”

Let me point out the word, “real” is italicized. I hate to get your hopes up zombie fanatics, but in a very April Fool’s Day-style prank (a month too late), this is just a way for the CDC to grab your attention (like it grabbed mine) to read about disaster prevention.

Which we should all read about and be prepared for because c’mon Harold Camping says the world is going to end May 21. Yeah, that’s this weekend.

HOWEVER, if a zombie apocalypse EVER occurs, we’ll have this official plan from the government recorded to defeat zombie takeover.    

“If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated.”  

 

CDC releases plan for zombie attack

Updated