DC’s Night Before Christmas

Updated

With Christmas mere hours away, I’ve been thinking a lot about what we’ve been subjected to the last month. Threats, stalling, fear-mongering, rumors of deals, offers, counter offers, and more - have been whirring around our heads… and yet we’ve nothing to show for it. And after all that, Congress packed it’s bags and went home for the holidays. Where’s the Christmas cheer? Where’s the joyfulness?


Where’s my winter whimsy, damnit?


So instead of waiting for the President and Congress to do the right thing, I went ahead and dreamt it up for them… After all, the night before Christmas is supposed to be most magical of all, right?

*     *     *

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,

The hopes of Plan B, had been thoroughly doused…

It would have only raised taxes, on the most richest and rare,

But for Tea Party congressmen, it was too much to bear…

Now Congress is home. And we’re snug in our beds,

As visions of Grand Bargains dance through our heads.

 

When out in the capitol, there arose such a clatter,

As Democrats and Republicans realized what matters.

Away to the TV, I flew like a flash,

Hitting the channels for cable news on my remote as I mashed.

 

The lights as they shined on the congressional aisles,

shined with the lustre of a John Boehner smile…

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But the Speaker and President, spreading good cheer.

 

I looked to the podium, and noticed the seal…

And new in a moment that there must be a deal!

They came to the mic, holding hands without shame,

And whistled and shouted out the members by name!

 

“Now Cantor, McCarthy, Demint and Paul Ryan,

Harry, and Nancy, and the Liberal Lions…

We’ve altered tax brackets, and raised revenue,

This bill cuts government spending, and funds from the military to-boot!”

 

Their faces were gleaming, and their voices did soar,

Telling the world of their true bi-partisan reforms…

Out came the Gavel, and Out came the pen,

and out came the “Aye” votes, from DC’s women and men.

 

John’s eyes, how they twinkled! Barack’s dimples, how merry!

Their cheeks were like roses, their noses were cherries!

Their ages rolled back 30 years on this day,

Gone now were the scowls, jowls, and hair that turned gray.

Barack Obama, John Boehner

 

These fine stacks of paper, clutched tight in their hands,

The crowds cheered them like Rock Stars, like their favorite bands…

They smiled and waved, and drank in the scene…

And then the President sang-backup, as Boehner belted out “Queen.”

 

Then they exchanged a fist-bump, and walked off the stage,

And we knew at that moment, they were on the same page.

Gone were the days of sham votes, and fake smiles,

And pretending to do public good all the while…

 

They sprang to their steps, and gave their drivers a whistle

and away they flew, like the down of a thistle…

But I heard them exclaim, as they drove out of sight.

“Happy Christmas to all, we finally got it right!”

DC's Night Before Christmas

Updated