Wish I was a baller

Updated
 
Poland's legal guide for becoming a citizen
Poland's legal guide for becoming a citizen

My Virginia-born girlfriend has a French passport in addition to her two American ones and she lords her access to the European Union over me. So, in an effort to re-balance the scales of our relationship in a way my superior cooking skills could never achieve, I started taking a fresh look at my own immigrant family’s history. (Because the very definition of “first world problem” is not wanting to stand in the longer line for foreigners at European airports.)

My mom’s grandfather was born in Bialystock, Poland, and on my grandmother’s side I’ve got some Polish ancestry as well.  That’s good news for me because Poland is one of those European Union countries like Ireland that hands out passports more liberally than some other places.  But how to qualify?  

Whahey!  According to Poland’s website, if you want a passport there’s something called a “particularly justified case.”  I could totally be particularly justif— oh wait.  Scratch that.  ”In practice, this procedure is available in the case of famous sportsmen/women.”

If the NBA doesn’t end this strike soon, we’re all going to be watching the Krakow Lakers play the Warsaw Celtics by January.

Wish I was a baller

Updated