TRMS headline writing challenge: Infoxication, small business edition

Updated
 
TRMS headline writing challenge: Infoxication, small business edition
TRMS headline writing challenge: Infoxication, small business edition

The news alchemists at Fox have done it again. During his speech Friday in Roanoke, Virginia, President Obama had this to say about the wealthy getting help on their way up the financial ladder:

“There are a lot of wealthy, successful Americans who agree with me – because they want to give something back. They know they didn’t – look, if you’ve been successful, you didn’t get there on your own. You didn’t get there on your own. I’m always struck by people who think, well, it must be because I was just so smart. There are a lot of smart people out there. It must be because I worked harder than everybody else. Let me tell you something – there are a whole bunch of hardworking people out there. If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help. There was a great teacher somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in roads and bridges. If you’ve got a business – you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen. The Internet didn’t get invented on its own. Government research created the Internet so that all the companies could make money off the Internet. The point is, is that when we succeed, we succeed because of our individual initiative, but also because we do things together.”

That’s what the president actually said (in shades of Elizabeth Warren). Fox and Friends, however, chose to edit out the parts they didn’t serve their Obama Hates Small Business narrative, like the whole bit about succeeding because we do things together. Details on that debacle is here.

If that weren’t enough (and it never is), Fox Nation served up this gem: “Obama Insults Small Business Owners.”

Breathe in. Take a minute to savor. Ahhhhh…. Admittedly, such genius is daunting but it should not deter us from writing Fox headlines of our own. Here are three recent stories:

Given the Fox Nation treatment they might read:

  • Citing Dire Obama-conomy, Sailors Give Up Looking For Work
  • “We’re The Most Threatened,” Whines Foreign Special Interest Group
  • U.S. Cars Trounced By Competitors After Obama Bailouts

Now it’s your turn. Infoxify the above three headlines and we’ll post the winners tomorrow. Enjoy!

TRMS headline writing challenge: Infoxication, small business edition

Updated