At midnight. In an e-mail. Does this sound like an endorsement to anyone?
“The primary campaign certainly made it clear that Governor Romney and I have some differences. But there are many significant areas in which we agree: the need for lower taxes, smaller government, and a reduction in out-of-control spending. We certainly agree that abortion is wrong and marriage should be between one man and one woman. I am also comfortable with Governor Romney on foreign policy matters, and we share the belief that we can never allow Iran to possess nuclear weapons. And while I had concerns about Governor Romney making a case as a candidate about fighting against Obamacare, I have no doubt if elected he will work with a Republican Congress to repeal it and replace it with a bottom up, patient, not government, driven system.”
And in conclusion, meh. Here’s what I heard:
“My fellow Americans, there have been many words used to describe Mitt Romney – flop-flopper, crypto-liberal, obscenely wealthy minion of Darkness. But enough about what I’ve said. Tonight I’d like to try another word: adequate. Voting for the sporadically tolerable Mitt Romney is better than being shoved, ankles first, into a wood chipper. I think we can all agree on that. Furthermore, if Mitt Romney is elected president, America’s inevitable swirl down the drain of sin and depravity will be slowed by minutes, if not hours. Mitt Romney has my endorsement, if by endorsement, you mean a soul-crushing decision that will take years of atonement to even begin to undo.”
Now it’s your turn. Write us a brief, (seriously, brief) half-hearted endorsement of Mitt Romney. We’ll post the winners tomorrow. Enjoy!