Let’s Get Ready To Crumble!

Updated
 
Let's Get Ready To Crumble!
Let's Get Ready To Crumble!

A couple of scheduled Armageddons have come and gone but the argus-eyed Glenn Beck is still hunkered down in his well appointed brain bunker preparing (dreaming? hoping?) for America’s Final Collapse.

On a recent show, Beck outlined some tips for meeting The Coming Darkness. Naturally, online this advice came IN ALL CAPS! THE WORLD IS ENDING! WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR EFFETE LIBERAL LOWER CASE, PEOPLE!!!

Give the man his props, many of Beck’s ideas are totally valid regardless of what happens next, like:

CONSERVE AND PRESERVE
EDUCATE YOURSELF AT ALL TIMES
ALWAYS READ
LEARN TO FIX AN ENGINE

Others are vintage, hide-under-the-bed, Beckian freakouts, like”

HAVE 30 DAYS CASH ON HAND
LIVE NEAR LIKE MINDED PEOPLE. TEXAS, MOUNTAINS OR WHERE GOD STILL PLAYS A ROLE IN REAL LIFE
TEACH YOUNG CHILDREN NOW THAT COLLEGE IS NOT A GIVEN,” “HAVE A GUN AND KNOW HOW TO SHOOT IT

And…

RUSSIAN GANGS IN TROUBLE (not sure what that means, but it sounds really important).

Here’s one I like:

LEARN OLD AND/OR LOST PRACTICES

Presumably that includes:

  • ALCHEMY— BASE METALS GO INTO THE CAULDRON, GOLD COMES OUT!
  • PHRENOLOGY— KNOW THE ENEMY BY READING HIS SKULL BUMPS!
  • AUGURY— SHEEP ENTRAILS DIVINE THE FUTURE!
  • FALCONRY— FLY, BIRDS OF WAR–ATTACK THE BLUE HELMETS!

What will you do to prepare for the Hard Times Ahead? Leave your best survival tips/Life Advice in the comments. Vigilance!

Let's Get Ready To Crumble!

Updated