How to win friends and affluent people

Updated
 
How to win friends and affluent people
How to win friends and affluent people

As Rachel pointed out on the show, so far the only voting bloc whose support Mitt Romney has secured solidly is the very rich. Birds of a feather, etc.? Well why hide it, mega rich Romney supporter–work it! Here are some Mitt-centric accessories you simply must have, darling:

The Romney Platinum Voter ID card.
Bound in supple high-grade calfskin finished with a smooth wax finish and buttery cream and gold gilt pages, this platinum Romney Voting ID card says, I support the one candidate who really “gets” me. Goes perfectly with a couple of Cadillacs.

The Romney Voting Line Proxy
Our Kind doesn’t wait—for anything. Even to vote for one of Our Kind! With the exclusive Romney Voting Line Proxy, a person whose time is far less important than yours will wait in line for you while you enjoy a second cappuccino in the back seat of the Bentley. Let freedom ring! Plus, we’ll have a proxy waiting in line for you regardless which one of your many luxury residences you happen to be gracing at the time. Enjoy firing people? Choose the special option allowing you to personally fire your Romney Voting Line Proxy yourself–Face to face! Love that free market rush!

The Romney Invisible Voting Barrier Fence
When they’re not enjoying a nice long ride on top of your car, dogs often need an invisible barrier to keep them inside the yard. Democrats also need to be restrained from straying where they don’t belong. With the Romney Invisible Voting Barrier Fence, high frequency signals emitted from a ground-based transmitter are guaranteed to keep 94% percent of all young people, poor people, minorities and hipsters from actually reaching their local polling place. The Romney Invisible Voting Barrier Fence, the humane way to the White House!

The Romney 2012 Diamond Social Safety Net
Hard times? Not for you! You’ll land nice and soft on this exquisite Romney Diamond Social Safety Net with the Romney “R” spelled out in museum-quality vintage Burmese rubies. Nothing says, I don’t worry about the poor more than this heirloom quality keepsake. Bet you $10,000, you’re going to love it!

Are you aware of any items that should be included in our catalog for the luxury voter? Please share!

How to win friends and affluent people

Updated