Heat, don’t fail me now

Updated
 

Since it’s hot pretty much everywhere in the U.S —really nasty, sticky, is-that-smell-me? hot— renowned meteorologist Rush Limbaugh helpfully asserts that the triple digit heat index is a liberal conspiracy designed to make everyone feel extra squishy. And really, how can anyone argue with that?

Nodding in sweaty concurrence, the shadowy authorities at the Message Control Center issued further instructions in this secret, fake directive to their conservative minions. 

Heat, don't fail me now

Updated