GOP Re-branding: ‘It should also have a pair of menacing tusks.’

GOP Re-branding: 'It should also have a pair of menacing tusks.'
GOP Re-branding: 'It should also have a pair of menacing tusks.'

You know Republicans are starting to worry about their obstreperous image when no less than Newt Gingrich, speaking yesterday at the opening luncheon of the Republican National Committee’s summer meeting, says:

“We are caught up in a culture where as long as we are negative, as long as we are vicious and as long as we can tear down our opponent, we don’t have to learn anything.”

This self-examining mood has also overtaken Perry Drake, a columnist who writes for American Thinker under the name The Drive-By Pundit. Accusing his party of “peddling a political product large numbers of voters can’t stomach,” he offers some astute, if purely cosmetic, tips for sprucing up the drooping Republican brand.

First of all, it’s time re-think the old elephant logo, a stale symbol of “standing broadside and stationary.”

The logo should have a great deal more oomph and dynamism.  An improved logo would rampage, trumpeting a challenge to all comers.  It should also have a pair of menacing tusks.  Then let that damned donkey come rearing up in its face.

Also lacking in the oomph and dynamism department are recent Republican candidates, in Drive-By Pundit’s estimation, “as exciting and inspiring as store-brand mayonnaise.” Democrats have exciting candidates of color, he argues, why not Republicans?

The choice has to have a self-deprecating sense of humor and be authentic and not a token. He or she should drop an occasional “g” at the end of words and avoid speaking with the same nasal affectation Richard Pryor used when mocking white people….The candidate also needs proven street cred, such as at some point publicly stating that not every minority youth wearing a hoodie is a hood or wants to be one. He or she should know that a hoodie is urban camouflage for many kids growing up in tough environments. Kids wearing neatly pressed, well-fitting trousers, polo shirt, and penny loafers are begging for a thumping – even in upscale suburbs.

Hard news for the well-fitting trousers industry. The D.B.P’s final bit of advice for Republicans may be the most radical: lay off the country music.

 This especially holds true for Lee Greenwood and his song, “Proud to Be an American,” which the singer is sure to perform ad nauseam at hundreds of GOP campaign events now through Election Day in 2016.  (Have your barf bag handy.)   Greenwood’s song is an inspiring, heartfelt little number, but it has grown tiresome and was always a bit cornball.  Republicans repel far more than attract by their close embrace of it.  The message they send to independents and wavering Democrats is smug, off-putting, and loud and clear: you’re flag-burning, commie-loving turncoats who hate America, and we’re not.

Classic rock–you’re on the endangered list too.

There is something deeply disturbing about seeing your flabby grandparents do the Peppermint Twist to “My Generation” by The Who (average age: 68).  Somewhere in this country of 300 million, there just has to be a charismatic, multi-racial rap group that raps on conservative themes.  The GOP needs to find them, sponsor them, record them, and put them on tour.

There you have it, Republicans. You can start dropping those “g’s” any time now. 

GOP Re-branding: 'It should also have a pair of menacing tusks.'