A bowl of liberty with freedom on top

A bowl of liberty with freedom on top
A bowl of liberty with freedom on top
Photo by Celeste Lavin

From the back of this bag of “Liberty” chips:

The American dream is all about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In the same spirit R.W. Garcia offers you these delicious red, white & blue tortilla chips because they contain no trans fats and are gluten free. And exercise your freedom of choice with 3 varieties in every bag- something for everyone.

I recently came across the most patriotic bag of tortilla chips, ever. “Liberty” chips, with its red, white and blue decor, Uncle Sam’s hat and ode to the American dream, is cleverly distracting from the tortilla’s Mexican roots. 

And who can blame them? 

Remember in 2003 when the French did not support the US invasion of Iraq? Out of indignation toward the French, the House of Representatives changed the name of French fries and French toast in the congressional cafeteria to “freedom fries” and “freedom toast.” 

If the object of offense is too yummy (or actually unrelated) for an outright boycott, a rebranding is the next best thing. 

Right-wing America may have moved on from its anger at the French but not without the legacy of clear consumer will. Give me liberty (chips) or give me death! 

So you’ve got a passionate consumer segment that would like nothing better than to stick it to those drug-warring, border-raiding devils down south by gorging on an all-American response to their cultural mainstay? “R. W. Garcia” has got it covered. 

Maybe he’s on to something. If capacity to munch were a determinant of global domination, the United States would leave no questions about its AAA scarfing status. There’s a whole world of right wing offense out there to be marketed to! 

What are we doing still eating General Tso’s chicken? Try a General Washington’s chicken in every cardboard to-go container! 

Rainbow sprinkles? Are we trying to make our kids gay? America needs a sprinkle provider who knows there’s no need for any more colors than good old red, white and blue! 

And baba ghanouj, practically synonymous with tyranny and terrorism in the Middle East, can be enjoyed with the exuberance of John Hancock as Star Spangled eggplant! I cannot tell a lie, star spangled eggplant is basically the opposite of terrorism!  

What other foods ought to be reappropriated for this food court of the (real) American people?

A bowl of liberty with freedom on top