L. News of Job Search Failure
On October 6, 1997, according to Ms. Lewinsky, she was told
that she would never work at the White House again. Ms. Tripp
conveyed the news, which she indicated had come from a friend on
the White House staff. Ms. Lewinsky testified:
Linda Tripp called me at work on October 6th and told me
that her friend Kate in the NSC . . . had heard rumors about
me and that I would never work in the White House again
. . . . [Kate's] advice to me was "get out of town."(579)
For Ms. Lewinsky, who had previously considered moving to New
York, this call was the "straw that broke the camel's back."(580)
She was enraged.(581)
In a note she drafted (but did not send), Ms. Lewinsky
expressed her frustration. She wrote:
Any normal person would have walked away from this and said,
"He doesn't call me, he doesn't want to see me -- screw it.
It doesn't matter." I can't let go of you. . . . I want to
be a source of pleasure and laughter and energy to you. I
want to make you smile.
She went on to relate that she had heard second-hand from a White
House employee "that I was 'after the President' and would never
be allowed to work [in] the complex." Ms. Lewinsky said she
could only conclude "that all you have promised me is an empty
promise. . . . I am once again totally humiliated. It is very
clear that there is no way I am going to be brought back." She
closed the note: "I will never do anything to hurt you. I am
simply not that kind of person. Moreover, I love you."(582)
When terminating their sexual relationship on May 24, the
President had told Ms. Lewinsky that he hoped they would remain
friends, for he could do a great deal for her.(583) Now, having
learned that he could not (or would not) get her a White House
job, Ms. Lewinsky decided to ask him for a job in New York,
perhaps at the United Nations -- a possibility that she had
mentioned to him in passing over the summer. On the afternoon of
October 6, Ms. Lewinsky spoke of this plan to Ms. Currie, who
quoted the President as having said earlier: "Oh, that's no
problem. We can place her in the UN like that."(584)
In a recorded conversation later on October 6, Ms. Lewinsky
said she wanted two things from the President. The first was
contrition: He needed to "acknowledge . . . that he helped fuck
up my life."(585) The second was a job, one that she could obtain
without much effort: "I don't want to have to work for this
position . . . . I just want it to be given to me."(586) Ms.
Lewinsky decided to write the President a note proposing that the
two of them "get together and work on some way that I can come
out of this situation not feeling the way I do."(587) After
composing the letter, she said: "I want him to feel a little
guilty, and I hope that this letter did that."(588)
In this letter, which was sent via courier on October 7, Ms.
Lewinsky said she understood that she would never be given a
White House job, and she asked for a prompt meeting to discuss
her job situation.(589) She went on to advance a specific request:
I'd like to ask you to help me secure a position in NY
beginning 1 December. I would be very grateful, and I am
hoping this is a solution for both of us. I want you to
know that it has always been and remains more important to
me to have you in my life than to come back. . . . Please
don't let me down.(590)