D. Public Encounters
During this period, Ms. Lewinsky occasionally saw the
President in public. She testified:
I'm an insecure person . . . and I was insecure about the
relationship at times and thought that he would come to
forget me easily and if I hadn't heard from him . . . it was
very difficult for me . . . . [U]sually when I'd see him,
it would kind of prompt him to call me. So I made an
effort. I would go early and stand in the front so I could
see him . . . .(365)
On May 2, 1996, Ms. Lewinsky saw the President at a reception for
the Saxophone Club, a political organization.(366) On June 14, Ms.
Lewinsky and her family attended the taping of the President's
weekly radio address and had photos taken with the President.(367)
On August 18, Ms. Lewinsky attended the President's 50th birthday
party at Radio City Music Hall, and she got into a cocktail party
for major donors where she saw the President.(368) According to Ms.
Lewinsky, when the President reached past her at the rope line to
shake hands with another guest, she reached out and touched his
crotch in a "playful" fashion.(369) On October 23, according to Ms.
Lewinsky, she talked with the President at a fundraiser for
Senate Democrats.(370) The two were photographed together at the
event.(371) The President was wearing a necktie she had given him,
according to Ms. Lewinsky, and she said to him, "Hey, Handsome --
I like your tie."(372) The President telephoned her that night.
She said she planned to be at the White House on Pentagon
business the next day, and he told her to stop by the Oval
Office. At the White House the next day, Ms. Lewinsky did not
see the President because Ms. Lieberman was nearby.(373) On
December 17, Ms. Lewinsky attended a holiday reception at the
White House.(374) A photo shows her shaking hands with the
President.(375)
E. Ms. Lewinsky's Frustrations
Continuing to believe that her relationship with the
President was the key to regaining her White House pass, Ms.
Lewinsky hoped that the President would get her a job immediately
after the election. "I kept a calendar with a countdown until
election day," she later wrote in an unsent letter to him. The
letter states:
I was so sure that the weekend after the election you would
call me to come visit and you would kiss me passionately and
tell me you couldn't wait to have me back. You'd ask me
where I wanted to work and say something akin to "Consider
it done" and it would be. Instead I didn't hear from you
for weeks and subsequently your phone calls became less
frequent.(376)
Ms. Lewinsky grew increasingly frustrated over her
relationship with President Clinton.(377) One friend understood
that Ms. Lewinsky complained to the President about not having
seen each other privately for months, and he replied, "Every day
can't be sunshine."(378) In email to another friend in early 1997,
Ms. Lewinsky wrote: "I just don't understand what went wrong,
what happened? How could he do this to me? Why did he keep up
contact with me for so long and now nothing, now when we could be
together?"(379)