November 13, 1998 I can't hardly walk...talking is a great effort. I feel like I am dying..hell, I am. nothing is working.....it is like my body is just shut down I am having chest pains, weakness, hard to breath......you name it....... this is shit.......Washington does not care.... the Syrian's do not care......I have failed......I do not ant anyone to know how awful this is. I told how I feel physically, mentally, I want to keep going, hoping it will bring Nadia home, spiritually, I feel like I am very very alone even my dreams are affected. I do not want to sleep, nightmare.......horrible nightmares......I never had nightmares before, I can not even stand to take a shower, I have to sit in the tub and take a bath! I look puffy and my skin is blotchy gross.