November 3, 1998 Its hard to concentrate for any period of time. I am aware of this and must work hard to sound rational and maintain focus when talking to people. I stopped taking my medication hoping it would give me more stamina. It worked for a few days, then I started feeling really terrible again and so was forced to go back on it. I have not told anyone about this. Damn cancer. I also have to work hard at sounding enthusiastic and upbeat, telling people I am fine because I am receiving many calls and letters from people who are concerned. My mom called again today. She was crying. She said the day had been hard on her because she thought only of Medea on this, the 6th anniversary of her last day with us. I did not cry. I gotta get Nadia out of there. I feel like I am running out of time. Tomorrow I will go to Washington, to the Syrian Embassy. I doubt they will let me in. They locked me out the last time I went. They sent me a fax after that telling me to make an appointment. I sent a fax requesting an appointment and received no answer. All government agencies must be the same. Like the state department....They do not let the parents of abducted children readily into their offices. I got invited. I thought it was because they wanted to help me. Instead, it was to grill me about another case. They wanted to know if the child recovered from a mid-east country was gotten out legally not. I decided to lend them as much assistance as they have lent me and other parents. In short..they got nothing. I also got two calls from two different agencies regarding an Iranian job...they ASSUMED I did it. I assured them I did not. I must be getting a reputation. Not good. I still have received no calls from any government agency. Good news, a child was recovered from abroad. I love to hear this. Our best guy did the job. He is an invisible hero, but we all know him...more and more agencies world wide are sharing their recovery personnel since there are only a handful in the entire world that are truly experts. Many people think they are experts, but they are not. Anyone can take 2 untrained civilians into any country with 50-100K and pretty much get anyone out. It certainly takes more than a background in special forces, the CIA or whatever. That's the difference between a recovery expert and the run of the mill "international investigations or intelligence services. I love the feeling of recovering a child. I have not been in country for a while now. It does get a bit scary at times. One of the worse was finding myself in south Lebanon while looking for an American girl. It was close to sunset. I had gone alone. Of all the middle east countries it is Lebanon and the Lebanese I like the best. I wish I had been there before the war. They say it was the Paris of the middle east. People on the streets began pointing at the sky. Planes flew over head in the distance. Stupid me, I did not know they were Israeli planes until someone on the street told me. I thought , "what am I doing here. I use to be a volunteer for Special Olympics, the Red Cross and Little League." Still, there is nothing like the face of a kid or parent that have been reunited....I pray to know that feeling first hand one day.